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    If Only I Could Unhear it

    Don’t worry looking up the word “unhear” it’s not in the dictionary and it makes spell check angry (it puts up the squiggly red line).  It may not be in the dictionary but it is definitely a verb I wish I could do.  We’ve all heard the saying if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.  I must admit.  Sometimes I ignore that saying but for the most part I try to abide by it.  The person who first said that knew EXACTLY what they were talking about.  Words are sooooo powerful.  They can be used to uplift or tear down.  To make someone happy or sad.  Even Stevie Wonder said, three little words can kindle an aching heart.

    Well last Friday a few words caused what I can only view, in this present state, as irreparable damage.  For the purposes of this post and to protect the not so innocent dates and names have been changed.  I will call this person Johnny.  Johnny and I have been friends for a few years.  We’ve shared good and bad times but last year we decided that the bad times were beginning to outweigh the good.  In order to allow room for happiness in each of our lives we agreed to end our friendship.  We stayed away from each other and only spoke when it was extremely necessary.  Now there’s something you have to know about Johnny.  Johnny was my person.  Johnny has seen me at my worst and has watched me evolve and grow.  Johnny met me at a time when I was team no new friends but truly won me over.  I loved me some Johnny.  Deciding to part ways with Johnny wasn’t easy but I believed it was best for both of us.

    A few months ago, what I thought was a good opportunity arose and I thought “this would be perfect for Johnny”.  I reached out to him and he was on board to give it a go.  This opened the door for
    “no communication” to go to “limited communication”.  Johnny and I would speak ever so often to settle away this business opportunity but for the most part our dialogue was limited.  Last Friday, while trying to get food for the impending lockdown Johnny and I had a little spat.  Maybe it started as a spat but it surely ended like

     

    In the course of the argument Johnny said something that I never imagined he would say.  Something I could never imagine saying to him. I had to do a double take.

     

    I felt hurt and betrayed.  I knew we weren’t as close as we used to be but I never imagined that we were that far apart.  After hearing it I must say it probably took me 5 minutes to get myself together.  I was in a state of shock.  I must’ve heard wrong.  Johnny? My Johnny? Not my Johnny..he would NEVER! Oh but he did.  Johnny knew I cared for him.  He also knew that I was slow to let people in but once you were in you were in.

    I think we both knew in that moment that things had taken a turn for the worst and we needed to be away from each other.  As we were driving a song that we listened to over 5 years ago came on and it was at that moment that I felt the shift in the atmosphere.  I felt the shattering of a special love between my former person and I.  It felt like a breakup but Johnny wasn’t my boyfriend.  No, Johnny was more than that.  Johnny was the person that had signed the imaginary friendship contract.  Johnny was the no backsies friend.  Even though we had been on friend hiatus (facepalm) there was an unspoken rule…we were still riding for each other.  I would never and still could never say what he said to me to him.

    Johnny did apologize, more than once, claimed he spoke out of anger.  I heard Johnny’s apology but I could only reconcile two things…1) You meant it!  You were sorry you said it but you meant what you said or 2) You said it to intentionally hurt my feelings.  Either option didn’t sit well with me.  A friend commented today…I’m sorry that person didn’t think twice and spoke once.  That was it.  That was exactly what this was.  Had Johnny spent 15 more seconds thinking about what he was going to say we wouldn’t be here.  It happened Friday but it still hurts today.  I hope it doesn’t hurt tomorrow but it probably will.  For however long I feel this pain one thing remains true every time that conversation creeps into my memory a tinge in my heart will hurt.

    This isn’t about unforgiveness because forgiveness liberates me, not Johnny.  Johnny probably never even gave the argument a second thought.  This is about recognizing how damning and damaging our words can be to someone.  This is about making sure the people we love never doubt that we love them.  This is about realizing that matters of the heart is always at the heart of the matter.  I would be lying if I say that I instantly stopped loving and caring for Johnny.  I could say it but no one would believe me.  I wouldn’t even believe me.   But what I can say is “the best way to appreciate someone is to imagine life without them”.  Unfortunately, Johnny and I no longer have to imagine life without the other because

    Until next time…Always Clinking,

     

    Tee (I need fancy script for this)

    As always, feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comment section.

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    Divide and Conquer

    The divide and conquer principle has been successfully implemented on our planet and is being used very effectively to keep us under control and in a perpetual state of conflict. ~Michael Tellinger

    It's no secret.  I stand and kneel with Kap!  I haven't watched a NFL game since 2016 and everyone knows I love football.  For me the decision to stop watching was personal and a long time coming.  Along the way I turned a blind eye to things the NFL did that I didn't particularly agree with but chalked it up to "it's just how they do business".  The breaking point for me was the suppression of the players' right to peacefully protest.  When something touches close to home for a person they should be able to voice their frustration in a peaceful, non-violent manner.  I watched the players be told they can't kneel, sit, or stay in the locker room during the national anthem.  WTF!  Are they employed players, indentured servants or slaves?  This whole notion was ludicrous to me.  How far removed were (are) these NFL owners that they can't empathize with the blood of black and brown men, women, boys, and girls being spilled in the streets at the hands of police brutality?

    I couldn't turn a blind eye to the blatant disregard for the lives and deaths of my people so I made a conscious decision to stop watching the NFL.  While I'm just one viewer I hold on to the notion that my vote and voice matters.  However, my decision to stop watching the game was not imposed on my friends.  They are entitled to their own persuasions and convictions.  It in no way caused me to view my friends differently or walk out on our friendship.  Regardless of their stance they are my friends and this very personal decision wasn't about to come between them and me.

    Power of the human spirit: 1, Divide and Conquer: 0

    It was all good about a week ago

    and then entered Jay Z's music and social activism deal with the NFL.

    Within hours of the deal's announcement a line had been drawn in the sand and people felt the need to choose.  TeamKap vs TeamJay.

    I was in complete and utter disbelief.  Not at Jay Z for doing the deal.  Jay Z has to walk his own path and do what he feels convicted to do. My shock came from the way infighting instantly began tearing us apart.  I'm of the mindset even if my friend is dead wrong...I'm not getting at them in public. Now behind closed doors it's on but in front of mixed company I'm not going to let them know I disagree with you.

    I'm also not so keen on the cancel culture.  Don't get me wrong, The Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey already said

    Some people deserve to be cancelled but we can't cancel everyone we disagree with.

    With no concrete information on the deal and just a few sound bites here and there the war began.  Team Jay's people cried, "Kap took a settlement and didn't tell us so Jay didn't have to run anything by him".  Team Kap's people screamed, "the NFL is using Jay.  He should've ensured Kap had a job before signing any deals.  He's a sellout"!  The NFL's band of goons hit Jay's "Story of OJ" track, poured cognac in a sniffer, pulled out a cigar, sat back and laughed.

     

    With one deal they were able to avoid accountability on the real issue and turn us against each other.

    Power of the human spirit: 0, Divide and conquer: 109735278941629

    The NFL goons are puppet masters and our inability to see their tactics make us puppets whether we recognize it or not.

    We are losing sight of the mission.  The problem hasn't been resolved.  We aren't yet free.  What we have done is shift our energy inward.  It's ok to disagree with Jay's decision and not speak ill of him.  I'm not a give-him-some-time-to-see-where-this-goes kind of lady.  I'm a the-deal-is-done-how-do-we-move-forward-together type.  How do keep moving the agenda through both men that have the power to make change?

    I pray Kap gets a job back in the NFL. Why?  Because it's what he wants.  It's what he's been groomed for and speaking out against injustices should not have cost him his livelihood.  I also hope Jay-Z is able to make impactful changes for the good of the group working through inside channels.  And I REALLY hope we, as a people, learn to recognize the real enemy and his tactics.  Your brothers and sisters aren't the enemy.  It has to stop being so easy for people to turn us against each other.

    House slave, porch slave, field slave...still slave!

    The fruits of slavery can be seen everywhere and it starts with the mind.

    MAYBE when we catch on to the notion of turning divide and conquer into define and empower.  Maybe then we will be able to flex our unity muscle and incite change.  The Montgomery bus boycotts worked because regardless (I really wanted to write irregardless, not because it's a word but because it grates my nerves when people say it) of the fact that some may have been weary and others may have believed it wouldn't work,  they stuck together.  For 381 days; through 4 seasons and many miles the Blacks in Alabama made up in their minds that to exact change in the policy of racial segregation on the public transit system they had to hit them financially.  The boycott was successful because they were unified in their endeavors.

    Imagine what would happen if we got on one accord!

    Yeah I'm with Kap but I go hard for US!

    What's your stance?  Are you picking sides or choosing US?

    Always Clinking,

    Tee

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    Make It Count!

    Happy New Year Brunch loves!

    This  year is already off to a fast start and I am as excited as a kid in a candy store.  One thing that is always on my to-do list for the new year is creating a Vision Board.  I have created a vision board every year for the past 11 years and I have seen amazing results.  I am a strong believer of seeing, believing and achieving and that motto has not failed me yet.

    Another must do on my list is setting my intentions.  We’ve all heard of the book The Secret.  The book really didn’t say anything we haven’t heard before but it has served as a good reminder of the power of the tongue.  My intention this year is to Make It Count!  Every word, every action, every thing that I pursue; I have to make it count.  Life is like a vapor.  One minute it’s here the next it’s gone.  My intention is to make sure that I am not wasting the time that I am granted here on Earth.

    I want every second of every minute of my life to count.  I want to use my gifts and talents to impact the life of every person I come in contact with.  I have dreams, goals and desires for myself and my family and I want to make sure that everything I do in one way or the other positively impacts what I am building.

    What do  you see for yourself in 2019?  How do you plan on making this life count.  Don’t forget

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    Carpe Diem!

    Always Clinking,

     

    Tee

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    Holiday Blues

    Once upon a time not long ago I used to LOVE this time of the year.  My house would smell like cinnamon and pine trees.  The house would be decorated with lights, garland and ornaments of all sizes.

    Seven years ago everything changed.  My life got flipped turned upside down (See what I did there), and Christmas has never been the same since.  I have a little one (not so little but you get the point) so I push myself each year to make Christmas magical for her when all I really want to do is lay in bed and feel sorry for myself.  However this year I still haven't found my umph.

    I am by no means this guy:

    but

     

    What I have realized during this time is that people that have not experienced intimate loss have a hard time understanding why people like me are all Bah Humbug during the most wonderful time of the year.  So I'm here to rescue my wounded and hurting.

    It's okay to not feel like throwing confetti during this time of the year.  It's ok that your tree might not be up yet.  Mine went up at 2am this morning and will be down by the 26th.  It's ok if you take the day to practice self care instead of going caroling.

    I realized last night that I have to find my own magic during this time.  Luckily I didn't have to look far.  My magic is the amazing miracle of life that I brought into this world.  She's smart, funny, sassy and reminds me of the simplicity of life everyday of the week, not just during Christmas.  She is truly my lifesaver.  Do I have the typical "holiday spirit"? No, but I have a spirit of gratitude.  I am thankful for all that I have and most importantly for the real Reason for the season.

    What do you do when you find yourself not feeling the Christmas spirit?  Do you push yourself to join in the festivities or do you succumb to the sadness?  Does it annoy you to no end when people try to push you into going through the motions when they have no idea how hard you're fighting just to stay above water during this time?  Do you have a method to deal with holiday blues? If so, pray tell.

    From my grateful heart to yours,

     

    Always Clinking,

    Tee

     

     

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