When you lose someone you love the loss changes you. It’s not anecdotal, a piece of you dies with the person. The same thing that weakens you, strengthens you. The thing that took your breath away also gives you reason to breathe. Early on in my grief I read a quote, “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”, I remember thinking whoever came up with that must’ve been through a valley at some point in his or her life.
On this date, 9 years ago, I said goodbye to one of the greatest persons I have ever had the privilege of knowing. People always tell me I’m doing so well but the truth is I’m fighting to live and not just survive. Yeah I laugh from a deep place again, my smile is genuine, I’ve even loved again. I am committed to living until I die but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments. There are days where I wish I could close my eyes and all of this would become a distant memory, days when the world seems so dark and lonely, days when I wonder how in the world did God decide that it was his time to go when there are sooooooo many eligible and viable candidates that do not deserve to walk this Earth. On those days I stare into eyes that look just like his and remind myself…he was here!