Monthly Archives : October 2018

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    Friendships are Vital

    When I hear women say they don’t have female friends or like to hang around women my heart goes out to them.  My friendships with other women have brought me so much joy.  I love hanging with and celebrating my fellow Queens as we journey through this thing called life (RIP Prince).

    This week I had an opportunity to attend Charlamagne the god’s book signing with one of my friends, A.  A and I met on the job 8 years ago and have managed to cultivate a pretty amazing friendship.  We don’t get to go out as much as we’d like to because we have to adult more often than not, but when we do get together it’s AMAZEBALLS!  While sitting at the bar sipping our Cava I realized how much we have been through together.  We have shared in each others joys and pains.  We are always experimenting with something ridiculous and always end up with a really good story.    Before, during and after the book signing we laughed so hard my cheeks were hurting when I got home.

    The next morning, as I began my day with gratitude, I realized just how blessed I am.  I have amazing friendships that have turned into familial relationships.  From group chats, to looks, to secret handshakes (gang gang) my friendships have been a source of love,  happiness and care.  My friendships are my safe place and source of support. Then it hit me, people that complain about the quality of their friendships may fail to do the necessary self reflection.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 

    If my friendships are truly a reflection of the type of friend that I am then I’m a darn good friend.  (If I do say so myself.)

    If you avoid friendships with the same sex like the plague what kind of friend have you been?  A woman will forgive a man that they love 94,895,490,274 times but will cut a woman out of their lives after just one mistake or misunderstanding.  Sis, DO BETTER!  There are women waiting to love on you, to cheer you on, to wipe your tears and give you that hug you so desperately need.  Come on in to the circle of sisters

    What are your friendships like?  Or an even better question, what kind of friend are you?

    Always Clinking!

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    The Privilege Platform

    I love watching Shark Tank. I am intrigued as entrepreneurs and inventors “shop” their idea around looking for a “shark” to invest in their product. Last Sunday I was tuned in as Keisha Jeremie shopped her delicious applesauce. I first learned of Sanaia Applesauce when Keisha sent Luvvie a package of this bottled goodness. Luvvie shared it on her Instagram and I started following Sanaia Applesauce’s page. I had the opportunity to sample the ginger and guava flavors and I was

    Keisha walked into the Shark Tank looking like every bit of Black Girl Magic. Her red and blue ensemble was popping, she was poised, informed and articulate. As she explained the goodness which is Sanaia Applesauce I was excited to watch the Sharks fight over her. I just knew they would because her product is oh so good. But this was one of those rare occasions in which I was wrong. They didn’t fight over her. One by one they commended her but dropped out. I was in shock. How could they not want in on this? Then it happened, Kevin “I know everything” O’Leary stated he didn’t believe this business was Keisha’s passion because if it was she would’ve quit her day job and did the business full time. (insert shocked face)

    All I could think to myself was “look at privilege on display, live and in living color”. Keisha wasn’t working for the fun of it, after all, not many people do that. Most people work because they have to. I know I do. If I even think about quitting and doing my passion full time I get a friendly “your mortgage is due in 5 days reminder”. Like most entrepreneurs we sacrifice sleep and fun to get our businesses off the ground in hopes that one day our passion produces enough income to sustain us. But Mr. O’Leary couldn’t understand that. That wasn’t his struggle. His mom was an investor and his stepfather was an economist. At a young age he traveled and enjoyed things that many others hadn’t. He lacked the ability to empathize with a woman who had to grind and hustle day in and day out to support her family and pursue her dream.

    I thought I was disgusted by his comment but his fellow Shark, Robert Herjavec was apparently mortified by what he was witnessing. “I think that’s so unfair,” he told O’Leary. “I started my first company and wanted to be all in, but you know what? I had a mortgage. I had a child at home. I didn’t have that choice. I had to work 24 hours a day. She’s not asking for kumbaya. She’s just saying she has a family to support.”

    Eventually Mark Cuban gave her a deal but the whole ordeal left my mind boggled. Kevin stood at his platform of privilege and condemned a woman that did not share the same platform. I began to think how powerful the privilege platform could be if it was used for good. I wonder how different this world would be if instead of saying “poor little humans that don’t have the luxuries and benefits I have” people would use their platform to impact meaningful change. Just this week Amy Schumer talked about her support of Rihanna for declining to perform at the Super Bowl and how she told her reps that she would not do a Super Bowl commercial this year. She acknowledged that to some it may sound like “a privilege ass sacrifice” but it was all she had. I see you Sis!

    Amy couldn’t directly relate to the message behind the protest but she used her platform to support. That’s all any movement asks for…support. Keisha didn’t walk into the tank looking for sympathy. She wanted support. Me Too protesters aren’t looking for a hug. They are looking for support. Those taking a knee during the national anthem and boycotting the NFL aren’t looking for a hand clap. They are looking for support. So here is my charge to you, people of privilege, the next time you’re up on that platform give support. Do what you can to help others trying to better themselves and their communities. Whether we like it or not, whether we agree or don’t nothing changes the fact that..CMB

    Always Clinking!

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    The Power of Letting Go

    The insomniac in me loves Instagram.  When I can’t sleep and I don’t feel like getting up and being my extraordinary self, I lay in bed and be basic. (LOL!)  I can scroll Instagram with no real purpose and be quite satisfied.  I am the annoying friend that forwards memes at 2:45 am because I found it hilarious and I don’t want to forget about sending it to you later in the day (fight me).  This week’s scroll produced a reminder of something I had seen before.  It simply said, It’s so empowering to say, “this isn’t serving me” and walk away in peace.  Eureka!  There it was, words that were so empowering to me once before had popped up again because I needed a reminder.

    It seems that someone or something is ALWAYS in retrograde.  Mercury’s last retrograde was a doozy but I made it out alive but now here comes Venus. (Come on son!)  I don’t get into the particulars of the retrograde, I don’t know much about the house, the order or the rising but I know the fact that it appears to us that a planet is going backwards when we know that isn’t possible grabs my attention.

    The directive to me during this retrograde was to be romantic.  My sign is supposed to fall in love with everything: my work, my dreams, etc..  I was cautioned about an ex coming back into my life that I should take a chance on

    not TUH-DAY satan!

    All those words in my horoscope but it never told me the dynamics of one of my close friendships would change.

    An incident happened which in the moment I thought nothing of it, but after 1 sleep and a wake I realized, I’m tired of this roller coaster.  I’m a bomb friend and I’m tired of having to explain my intent and coddle feelings and emotions because you have misunderstood me once again or you’re in your feelings so you take everything personally.  It’s draining, it’s exhausting and I want out.  I’m like girl, if you’re my friend you should know me, why do I have to constantly clarify something with you? UGH.  Now don’t get me wrong this person is a Tony the Tiger…GGGREEEEAAAATTTTT friend and I’m sure she’ll call me and say “are you talking about my in your blog post” and I’ll say,

    I’m just tired of the constant victimization of self when there was no crime committed.  So this time, instead of calling to work it out I just walked away from the situation.  It’s not permanent, I know we’ll be back talking at some point, but I am sure that things will be different.  I’m letting go of the need to always make it right and embracing the need for accountability. The need to always make it right led to this moment where I’ve shut down.  Had I addressed this issue before maybe we wouldn’t be here but hey, it’s never too late.

    How many times have we held on to things that didn’t serve us so we weren’t viewed as selfish.  We hold on to toxic relationships because we really want them to survive and thrive even though they have been dead for years.  We get along just to get along because we don’t want to rock the boat but why not…you’re the captain now (movie line). We stay in careers that make us miserable because we are afraid of starting over, we fear that we aren’t good at anything but that which we have always been doing and no one else will hire us.  We bend over and allow people to ride our backs because we don’t want to be viewed as less than amenable.

    Well look at God, here is our opportunity.  Our moment in time to begin to practice self care in a way we never thought possible.  We are going to LET.IT.GO and reclaim our peace, our joy and ourselves.  Letting it go is like taking that long, relaxing deep breath.  First you INHALE, you close your eyes and imagine all the things in your life you want to release, you see yourself where you want to be.  Then you fully EXHALE, you release all negativity and things that do not serve you.  Finally you OPEN YOUR EYES and move forward in power.  When you let it go, when you walk away with the peace of knowing that whatever the situation was it wasn’t for your good, you take back your power and make room for the next great thing that has been dying to enter your life.

    Come join me because I’m out here like Elsa, standing on the mountain top, twirling around and screaming “Let It Go” at the top of my lungs.

    Always Clinking!

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    Speaking Truth to Power…even if your voice shakes.

    I hope you have your champagne glass, cup of tea, coffee or bottle of water because this is a lot and we need to unpack.

    On September 27th, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee about a sexual assault she had encountered in the summer of 1982 at the hands of Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh.  I usually have CNN on during the work day to hear what is going on in the world and this day was no different.  During her opening statement Dr. Ford said something that caused me to look away from my computer screen and glare at the television.  With a quivering voice Dr. Ford said,  “I am here today not because I want to be, I AM TERRIFIED“.  In that moment her opening statement became more than a testimony to me.

    I could not begin to imagine what Dr. Ford was going through as she sat in front of men with stoic faces who she probably knew didn’t believe her.  They didn’t care about her testimony or what she had to say.  To them this was a formality.  Dr. Ford recanted, in as much detail as possible, about the day she was assaulted and the impact it had on her life. I grew angrier by the moment.  Who in the world were these men to judge her?  To decide whether or not she was telling the truth? As the days went by Senators began to comment that while she MAY have been assaulted they did not believe Kavanaugh was her attacker.  (insert stuck face)

    Through my anger and disdain I did not fail to see Dr. Ford for who she was, a victor and a champion.  She knew what she was facing but she still spoke her truth.  Death threats, media frenzy, judgment from people that didn’t know her from a can of paint, none of that mattered, Dr. Ford had found her voice.

    People wonder why there is a a Me Too movement.  They wonder why assault victims take years to come forward and even say “if this really happened you should have said something years ago”.  Dr. Ford said it best, “I was too afraid and ashamed to tell anyone these details”.  We as a population of humans have failed our sisters and brothers. (Yes, men are assaulted too).  It is our job as a community to support victims and survivors.  It is not our duty to make them feel as though they did something wrong.  It wasn’t what you wore or what you said.  I don’t care if you drank a fifth of henney straight and was as drunk as a skunk.  You have the right to not be assaulted and we have a duty to stand with you if you are.

    Dr. Ford’s testimony should be our war cry.  It’s time for us to stand up!  It’s time for us to speak truth to power, to speak out against injustices, and to stand up for those who can’t or won’t stand up for themselves.  We have a duty to help remove the shame that victims feel and to remind them that this is not their fault.  We have to find our voice too and when we do, we must use it.

    After enough pressure, the Senate Judiciary Committee/White House called for a fugazi FBI investigation because they wanted the truth and to get to the bottom of this once and for all. (insert eye roll emoji)


    My response to them:

    There was the truth staring them right in the face.  Bad Boy Brett showed his bad temper and his disrespect toward people that didn’t side with him. His privilege was on display for all the world to see.  On the other side of the table was Dr. Ford, speaking truth to power, even though her voice was shaking.  The Committee couldn’t believe her because in doing so they would have to admit that they were wrong, that their nominee was a criminal that didn’t deserve such a great honor.  Oh no, politics would not allow for that.  It wasn’t enough truth for them, probably it was too much truth.  Whatever the case it was enough truth for me. #Ibelieveher #Istandwithsurvivors

    I knew Beer loving Brett would be confirmed.  I knew he would ascend to the highest court in the land regardless of the outcome of the limited FBI investigation because after all…




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