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  • It seems like just yesterday.

    When you lose someone you love the loss changes you.  It’s not anecdotal, a piece of you dies with the person. The same thing that weakens you, strengthens you.  The thing that took your breath away also gives you reason to breathe.  Early on in my grief I read a quote, “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”, I remember thinking whoever came up with that must’ve been through a valley at some point in his or her life.

    On this date, 9 years ago, I said goodbye to one of the greatest persons I have ever had the privilege of knowing. People always tell me I’m doing so well but the truth is I’m fighting to live and not just survive. Yeah I laugh from a deep place again, my smile is genuine, I’ve even loved again. I am committed to living until I die but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments. There are days where I wish I could close my eyes and all of this would become a distant memory, days when the world seems so dark and lonely, days when I wonder how in the world did God decide that it was his time to go when there are sooooooo many eligible and viable candidates that do not deserve to walk this Earth.  On those days I stare into eyes that look just like his and remind myself…he was here!

    Always clinking,



  • Invictus:Unconquerable

    If you are a member of a BGLO, an avid reader, and/or attended a school that encouraged literary work in its assignments the word “Invictus” brings up certain feelings/memories for you.  I love this poem but in my youth I found it difficult to reconcile some of its sentences with my faith.  There was no way in the world I was going to recite, “I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul“.

    What in the blasphemy?

    My faith teaches their is only one God and in my mind repeating this line would be blasphemous and lead to damnation.  As I grew older, I developed and realized that there was a whole meaning behind the poem that did not involve asking monotheistic followers to “sin their souls”.  It wasn’t merely written for a rhyming scheme, instead, the author, William Ernest Henley, found himself in a situation that many would have allowed to pull them under.  I am sure as he sat in the hospital, suffering and dealing with challenges, diagnosed with tuberculosis, which deteriorated further, requiring amputation of one of his legs, Mr. Henley surely felt overcome by his situation.  Life had come at him hard and fast.  I can only imagine, the ways in which isolation led to depression and thoughts of suicide. Not being one to fold, Henley penned Invictus in what must have been his darkest hour.  My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Mr. Henley penned the way in which his life was to unfold.  He was still here and in the face of tragedy had decided to live until he died.  He was becoming the architect of his destiny!

    In Promised Land by President Barack Obama he discusses his mom being the architect of her own destiny.  He describes how she was not one to let people or society dictate what she should do, how she should act or how she should feel.  His words resonated with me.  I have on more than one occasion fallen victim to life happening to me.  Of course I’ve risen to the occasion but it wasn’t by design.  I defaulted into my architect role, acknowledging God as the master architect.  He knows my ending and everything in between but He won’t force me to follow.  It’s time for me to get on board, to begin designing and creating the life that I want.  I am happy.  I am loved, but I want more.

    In 2020…life happened, to all of us, and we rolled with the punches.  We dealt with what we were handed.  We made lemonade out of lemons…but today is a new day!  The end of a year many did not anticipate and the beginning of a year full of promise. So like I do every year, I welcome 2021 with open arms and I encourage you to do the same.  Grab your pen, your hammer, your chisel, your brush and begin designing the life you want.  I can’t promise you there won’t be any hiccups along the way but I promise I’ll be right here with you.  We are the master of our fates, we are the captains of our soul!

    Invictus–the invincible, the unconquerable!

    See you in the new year!

    Always Clinking,



  • Post Image

    Diagnosis: COVID-19 fatigue

    I am an introvert.  I love spending time alone, it is how I recharge.  But even as an introvert, I am growing weary.  Traveling is my solace and one of my coping mechanisms.  I need the beach.  I need to be beside blue water but while people are still traveling and as my mom would say “spreading joy” I have not brought myself to that place.  I want to travel without restrictions.  I don’t want to stay on the resort.  I don’t want to leave the restaurant by 8pm because of a curfew.  I want to be free!

    Trust me, I am not one of those cabin fever people.  I don’t get cabin fever.  How could I not love staying in the house that I pay for only a few days while the snow purifies the air?  However, this is taking cabin fever to an all new level.  I’m weary of this indoor life.  I’m tired of going out and feeling like the first cough I hear could be from a person infected with the virus.  I am tired of telling my child she can’t visit her friends or go to birthday parties because the truth is…mommy can’t lose her.  So I came up with a term for what I’m feeling.  I call it COVID fatigue (I didn’t really create this term but go with me).

    Being tired is one thing but being fatigued…that’s a different beast. When you are fatigued your muscles ache, your reflexes are slowed, you experience brain fog, you’re chronically tired and you can become moody.  These are just a few symptoms of fatigue but those are enough to make you want a cure, and fast.  2020 has been quite the year.  When the semi-lockdown first started I knew it was going to be a while before a treatment was developed.  I was prepared to stay inside for a few months if it meant that summer would be mine for the taking.  Never did I imagine that we would be less than 45 days from the end of the year and re-entering semi-lockdown.  I was certain that Pooh and I would travel for Christmas.  I was sure that I would be able to get together with friends and family for our annual celebrations.  Instead we are bracing ourselves for holidays apart from loved ones, at least 3 more months of virtual school, and lots of Netflix watching.

    2020 is out here throwing a temper tantrum and knocking everything off the table.  Yesterday I found myself saying, “yo, this is a mess”!  I’ve never seen a world like this.  I feel like Ernest Hemingway, “people are dying who never died before”.  That quote may seem funny because it is ridiculous but that was Ernest’s truth.  Things were so messy in his world, at the time, that the description, to him, was accurate.  Ernest wanted to fix things, put it back the way it was or make it better.  Ernest failed to acknowledge that he was trying to fix life.  But you can’t fix life.  Life is a mess!

    So how do you stay sane during the mess?  What is the treatment for this type of fatigue? I wish I knew but, like Sway, I don’t have the answers.

    The only real solution is to embrace the mess.  Many have found excitement by attending virtual brunches, sip and paints, meetups, happy hours and dance parties.  Fitness instructors have taken their workouts online.  Families are spending more time together, eating dinner together, talking more, and playing games.  People have found many coping mechanisms but even those mechanisms aren’t hitting like they used to.  So what is the answer?  The answer is pivot.  Find something new that brings you joy.  I have started decorating my house.  I’ve been in this house for almost 8 years but was always on the go.  I never realized how many things I wanted to do in the house until I actually spent more time inside than I did in the streets.  I’m taking my time with decorating, it takes me at least 6 weeks to make up my mind anyway.  Decorating is new to me, it’s exciting.  I realized that was the key to my sanity.  I needed something new and fresh.  Something that would allow me to take my mind off of all that is going on in this world.  That’s how you maintain your sanity.  Escape from the mundane, if even for 30 minutes a day and doing something that is new.  If it’s yoga, meditation, designing, coloring; whatever it is…

    Grab your vision board or make a new one.  Figure out something that you want to go after and do that.  We always say what we would do if we had more time.  Well now is your chance.  You have nothing but time.


    Still clinking,


  • Post Image

    Divide and Conquer

    The divide and conquer principle has been successfully implemented on our planet and is being used very effectively to keep us under control and in a perpetual state of conflict. ~Michael Tellinger

    It's no secret.  I stand and kneel with Kap!  I haven't watched a NFL game since 2016 and everyone knows I love football.  For me the decision to stop watching was personal and a long time coming.  Along the way I turned a blind eye to things the NFL did that I didn't particularly agree with but chalked it up to "it's just how they do business".  The breaking point for me was the suppression of the players' right to peacefully protest.  When something touches close to home for a person they should be able to voice their frustration in a peaceful, non-violent manner.  I watched the players be told they can't kneel, sit, or stay in the locker room during the national anthem.  WTF!  Are they employed players, indentured servants or slaves?  This whole notion was ludicrous to me.  How far removed were (are) these NFL owners that they can't empathize with the blood of black and brown men, women, boys, and girls being spilled in the streets at the hands of police brutality?

    I couldn't turn a blind eye to the blatant disregard for the lives and deaths of my people so I made a conscious decision to stop watching the NFL.  While I'm just one viewer I hold on to the notion that my vote and voice matters.  However, my decision to stop watching the game was not imposed on my friends.  They are entitled to their own persuasions and convictions.  It in no way caused me to view my friends differently or walk out on our friendship.  Regardless of their stance they are my friends and this very personal decision wasn't about to come between them and me.

    Power of the human spirit: 1, Divide and Conquer: 0

    It was all good about a week ago

    and then entered Jay Z's music and social activism deal with the NFL.

    Within hours of the deal's announcement a line had been drawn in the sand and people felt the need to choose.  TeamKap vs TeamJay.

    I was in complete and utter disbelief.  Not at Jay Z for doing the deal.  Jay Z has to walk his own path and do what he feels convicted to do. My shock came from the way infighting instantly began tearing us apart.  I'm of the mindset even if my friend is dead wrong...I'm not getting at them in public. Now behind closed doors it's on but in front of mixed company I'm not going to let them know I disagree with you.

    I'm also not so keen on the cancel culture.  Don't get me wrong, The Honorable Marcus Mosiah Garvey already said

    Some people deserve to be cancelled but we can't cancel everyone we disagree with.

    With no concrete information on the deal and just a few sound bites here and there the war began.  Team Jay's people cried, "Kap took a settlement and didn't tell us so Jay didn't have to run anything by him".  Team Kap's people screamed, "the NFL is using Jay.  He should've ensured Kap had a job before signing any deals.  He's a sellout"!  The NFL's band of goons hit Jay's "Story of OJ" track, poured cognac in a sniffer, pulled out a cigar, sat back and laughed.


    With one deal they were able to avoid accountability on the real issue and turn us against each other.

    Power of the human spirit: 0, Divide and conquer: 109735278941629

    The NFL goons are puppet masters and our inability to see their tactics make us puppets whether we recognize it or not.

    We are losing sight of the mission.  The problem hasn't been resolved.  We aren't yet free.  What we have done is shift our energy inward.  It's ok to disagree with Jay's decision and not speak ill of him.  I'm not a give-him-some-time-to-see-where-this-goes kind of lady.  I'm a the-deal-is-done-how-do-we-move-forward-together type.  How do keep moving the agenda through both men that have the power to make change?

    I pray Kap gets a job back in the NFL. Why?  Because it's what he wants.  It's what he's been groomed for and speaking out against injustices should not have cost him his livelihood.  I also hope Jay-Z is able to make impactful changes for the good of the group working through inside channels.  And I REALLY hope we, as a people, learn to recognize the real enemy and his tactics.  Your brothers and sisters aren't the enemy.  It has to stop being so easy for people to turn us against each other.

    House slave, porch slave, field slave...still slave!

    The fruits of slavery can be seen everywhere and it starts with the mind.

    MAYBE when we catch on to the notion of turning divide and conquer into define and empower.  Maybe then we will be able to flex our unity muscle and incite change.  The Montgomery bus boycotts worked because regardless (I really wanted to write irregardless, not because it's a word but because it grates my nerves when people say it) of the fact that some may have been weary and others may have believed it wouldn't work,  they stuck together.  For 381 days; through 4 seasons and many miles the Blacks in Alabama made up in their minds that to exact change in the policy of racial segregation on the public transit system they had to hit them financially.  The boycott was successful because they were unified in their endeavors.

    Imagine what would happen if we got on one accord!

    Yeah I'm with Kap but I go hard for US!

    What's your stance?  Are you picking sides or choosing US?

    Always Clinking,



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